Her own worst enemy: how Serena Williams sabotaged her fashion model career by being black and too good at tennis

[Satire Alert!] Serena Williams Needs lessons in priorities from rival Maria Sharapova, who plays tennis as a hobby to score sexy modeling contracts. Serena’s 6^th Wimbledon win at the cost of developing actual muscles is typical of black women’s bad choices and lamentable priorities. Just like her choice to be black in a society that doesn’t like black people. Please, Serena. Stop the self-sabotage.

Remember, it’s your milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard, not your Wimbledon trophies. And there’s no higher calling than having a yard full of boys, right?

Look at these two photos, above. Serena has the nearly zero percent body fat of a fashion model, but then she went and ruined her thin frame with muscles. And for what? Her tennis hobby? But Maria has the right idea. Arm muscles are for boys. Only long sinewy abdominal muscles are for girls. 

“I always want to be skinnier with less cellulite; I think that’s every girl’s wish,” Sharapova said. That’s right young ladies. So stop wishing for magical powers, creative success or being president. Every girl who doesn’t put thinness first needs to get those wish priorities back on track. Every girl. 

Sharapova also said she “can’t handle lifting more than five pounds,” and that she considers lifting weights and adding muscle to be “unnecessary” in tennis. So it’s just as well that she lost to Williams, because that heavy trophy might just topple her over!

According to an article in the Daily Beast by Tomas Rios, “American racist tropes tend to be constructed in ways that render black women one-dimensional,” says writer Mikki Kendall. “So when Serena refuses to be the kindly self-effacing Mammy, the over-sexed Jezebel, or the harridan Sapphire, media organizations don’t know how to handle her.” That’s right, Serena. Every fashion model has a type. You had three awesome choices, but you blew it. So sad.

You know what they say, Serena, black women have to be twice as good to get half as far. Well isn’t Sharapova and her higher earnings the proof of that.

In a culture that so worships white mediocrity, Serena needs to stop shooting herself in the foot with her ill-advised pursuit and achievement of black excellence.