author – activist – faculty – mom
I am loving my integrity today. I am ambitious, but I have a deep commitment to balance that with honoring my relationships, particularly with other women authors. So I was working with a colleague on a creative opportunity that started out 50/50, until the folks in charge asked me to take the lead, and get more visibility and more credit that we originally expected. For about 24 hours, I was sort of in a fog. I felt uncomfortable with the change, but I liked the idea. But when they sent a follow up email, I snapped out of it. I sent the other woman writer a very direct email: hey girl, this is what we had originally talked about, this is what they are suggesting now. I didn’t lie, I was like, hell yeah, I would like that visibility & credit. But only if it’s cool with you.
I feel good, because I honored my desires – I told her that I wanted what they were offering. But I also honored our relationship. We had gone into this as a team, and I wouldn’t feel right about changing the plan without her blessing. I don’t want to achieve my goals only to find that I’ve alienated the women who matter most to me.
I think, as women, we are conditioned to either backstab each other to get ahead or be ambivalent about our desires. We are taught to say things like…”oh gosh, they’ve asked me to cut a solo track on the album, but I just don’t know. What do you think? Should I do it?”
I don’t need permission from my colleague to want this. I just need permission from her to go after it. Funny how anxious I felt before I sent the email, and how calm I feel after sending it. I’ve clarified my position. No hidden agendas. I win either way.